Revising Writing

Yesterday and today I have been working with Tai on a piece sample writing. I had to delete, and edit this writing. 

My Edited Piece of Writing

On Saturday I was at my Papa's, Aunt’s, and Uncle’s, house getting ready for halloween. When I saw my Papa he was dressed up in a very spooky zombie costume then I was dress up as a purple bat. Me and my Papa were ready for halloween. Me and my Papa were going around the houses asking for lollies.

Once we went to a house that was very black and very spooky.My Papa got scared but I told him don’t worry because It's just a house full of halloween decorations. There were lots of spiderwebs, bats and witch decorations. I knocked on the door and out came a man dressed as a ghost and then a lady came out to give us some yummy sweets. “Happy trick or treating” I said to them next. I went down to another house that wasn't spooky at all.

It only had spiders and a black witch’s broom. I knocked on the door and out came a black witch. The black witch gave us chocolate and pumpkin candy’s.

When we stopped at Kings Road we saw my friend Zara and her Dad Babu they were going trick or treating for yummy treats. Me and my Papa were walking to Zara and a

asked if we can come with you to get yummy treats then she said yes. When we stopped down at the cafe we had a hot chocolate drink and a strawberry cupcake. We went back down to Coral Cress to go to another houses for trick or treating. When we saw another house that was even scarier I said happy trick or treat and then out came a spider. The spider was only a decoration and a man came to give us lollies and chocolate. It was fun at halloween night. When I got tied it was time to go home I said bye to my friend Zara and went home to eat all the goodies I had and I ate them all.   

Instructions

Read over this piece of writing. Change it so that it makes sense and so it sounds exciting. You can delete sentences and change words in the writing so that it can be enhanced. Try not to take the meaning away from the writing.

On Saturday I was at my Papa's, and Aunts, and Uncles, house getting ready for halloween. When I saw my papa was dressed  up in a spooky zombie I was dressed up as a purple bat.  I was ready for halloween. Me and my Papa were going around the houses asking for lollies .

Once I went to a house that was very black and very spooky my Papa got scared I told him don’t worry It's just a house  full of dickarayshions . There  Were spiderwebs and bats and witch dickarayshions I knocked on the door and out came a ghost a man and a lady gave us sweets yummy happy trical treat I said to them next I went down to another house that wasn't spooky as it was

It only had spiders and black a black witch’s  broom I knocked on the door and out came a black witch the lady gave us chocolate and chocolate candy pumpkins .

When we stopped at kings road we saw my friend Zahra and her Dad Babu they were going trical treating for yummy treats me and my Papa were walking to Zahra we asked could we come with you to get yummy treats they said yes When we stopped down at the cafe we had a hot chocolate and a strawberry cupcake Than we went back down to costs cress  to go to other houses for trick or treating  

When we saw another house that was even scarier I said happy trinkil treat and out came a spider the man gave us lollies  and chocolate it was fun at halloween. than it was time to go home I said bye to my friend Zahra and went home to eat all the goodies .